Few topics ignite as much debate and contemplation as the choice to have children.
That conversation has become even more urgent after preliminary data showed that Singapore’s resident total fertility rate (TFR) fell below 1.0 for the first time in 2023 to 0.97.
While there is cause for concern on a national level, having children is a decision that is deeply personal, shaped by individual values, aspirations and circumstances. It’s why I invited two guests from opposite camps for the first episode of The Usual Place – a new podcast series by The Straits Times.
Joan Chong, 35, a tuition teacher who started a Facebook page called Childfree in Singapore, said in the discussion that getting married about two years ago has not changed her longstanding view on not having children.
She and and her husband made it clear to each other from the start of their relationship that they were not interested in having children – ever.
Joan was interviewed by The Straits Times previously when she was single. She recalled how people of an older generation she knew then had been concerned about her child-free decision.
Some colleagues or friends around her age told her then that they shared her viewpoint but did not know whether they would come forward publicly to talk about it.
Hearing her speak about it gave them more courage and freedom to express that they too were not interested in becoming parents, said Joan.
Like Joan, my other guest Dainial Lim picked a partner who was on the same page as him.
The 38-year-old director of an immigration company said that if his wife had told him when they were dating, that she did not want to have kids, it would have been a deal-breaker for him.
He and his wife even picked out names for their children before they got married.
In our conversation, Joan explained some of the misconceptions people have about those who choose a child-free life, while Dainial boldly answered my (pointed) question about whether Singaporean parents are “entitled”.
Dissecting the latest government policies to spur couples into having children, Dainial said that he is like most parents – “if can get more, it would be good”.
He also has his own non-financial goodies that could be on the wish list, including an unusual suggestion to have a Parenting 101 class in schools here.
Joan’s stance on being child-free means she will not enjoy the incentives offered to couples who choose to have families.
She does not feel left out but highlighted one group that could receive more help: people who choose to remain single to become caregivers to their parents.
“That’s a noble cause as well,” she added.
As we rounded off the podcast, I asked Joan and Dainial what they would say to people who are on the fence about having children.
“It’s better to regret not having the child, than to regret having the child,” said Joan.
Dainial pointed out that there is support from others in society and the Government. He said: “Just go for it... don’t think too much, if it’s something you and your spouse want to do.”
That is the gist of the first episode of The Usual Place, my new podcast show.
I get into it all, from getting millennials and Gen Zs talking about social media, pop culture issues and the people that have become conversation starters, digging deep into issues.
If you want to get in touch, DM me on Instagram at @theusualplace_nat. Share with me your views on this episode or what topics you think I should discuss next on my show.
Produced by: Natasha Zachariah (natashaz@sph.com.sg), Ernest Luis, Lynda Hong and Studio+65
Edited by: Teo Tong Kai & Eden Soh
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