SINGAPORE - One of John’s biggest fears is that his four-year-old son will end up like him – having led a life wasted on drugs, gangs and going in and out of jail.

The 38-year-old has been behind bars for the past four years for drug trafficking. It is the third time he has run afoul of the law. His previous offences were drug-related and theft.

“My biggest fear is that, one day, I have to visit my son in jail. That will mean that I have not been a good father,” John (not his real name) told The Straits Times from Changi Prison Complex.

“I worry about my son, as both his parents are not around for him. I’m so afraid he will end up like me,” he said in Mandarin.

The primary school dropout started his drug habit in his teens.

Shortly after he was jailed on his current sentence, his girlfriend gave birth to their son, but they have since broken up. His mother, a housewife, is now raising his son.

The birth of his son made him realise the folly of his old ways, and motivated him to turn over a new leaf. But John, who will be released in June, feels ill-equipped to be a good father.

“I feel sad and guilty that my relationship with my son is distant,” he said. “I don’t know how to teach him. I don’t know how to be a father. But I want to try my best to be a good father.”

And so he is thankful for the Dear Papa programme run by New Life Stories, a charity that works to prevent intergenerational incarceration. 

It started the 20-week programme in 2021 to help inmates reconnect with their children and to build a relationship with them. 

The charity’s co-founder Saleemah Ismail said it is critical that children feel loved and wanted by their fathers, or it could affect them emotionally and mentally.

The charity also hopes that by working with inmates and their families to deal with the problems they face, this would help prevent their children from getting into trouble with the law.

Ms Saleemah said some of these children have never even met their fathers in person, or have never seen a photo of the men. A few have both their fathers and mothers in jail.

“Even before they went to jail, many of the fathers were already absent from their children’s lives,” Ms Saleemah said.

“Every child we spoke to – they say they want to have a father (in their lives), even though some have never experienced having a father before.”

One unique component of the programme is that the fathers read and record stories to their children on MP3 players. The charity’s staff then pass the recordings to the children, so they can hear their fathers’ voices.

The fathers also get to write letters and their own stories for their children, as a way to show their love and teach the children values or life lessons.

The staff of New Life Stories work with the inmates’ families to help them tackle their conflicts and problems. Its volunteers also play with and read to the inmates’ children.

Ms Saleemah said: “We assume that parenting is instinctive, but many of these men never had a father or good role model in their lives. They don’t know how to build a relationship with their children.”

Under the Dear Papa programme, there are three open-visit sessions in prison, where the fathers can have physical contact with their children, such as hugging them, to help them bond.

This is unlike the usual visits where inmates are separated by a glass panel from their visitors for security reasons, a Singapore Prison Service (SPS) spokesman said. 

So far, 18 fathers and their families have attended the programme, and the men have an average of three children each. Another 20 fathers and their children will go through the programme in 2023, Ms Saleemah said.

The SPS spokesman said the prison service collaborates widely with community partners to conduct family programmes. This equips inmates with skills and knowledge so that they can connect with their family members.

Besides New Life Stories, other charities such as the Singapore Children’s Society and the Salvation Army also run programmes to strengthen the relationships between offenders and their children.

‘I don’t want my son to follow in my footsteps’

For 33-year-old Roy (not his real name), the Dear Papa programme has helped him to feel more confident about bonding with his five-year-old son. 

The boy was born after Roy was arrested for drug trafficking. This is his third jail term, and it is a nine-year sentence.

Roy recalled that his son cried the first time he carried the boy, when he was about one.

This broke his heart, as he realised he was like a stranger to his own son.

At the time, Roy had asked the SPS for permission to carry his son, as inmates are not allowed physical contact with their visitors for security reasons.

The SPS spokesman said: “For unique circumstances such as an inmate wanting to carry his newborn, a request must be put up to the superintendent for consideration and approval.”

Roy’s wife has divorced him and she is raising their son.

Roy, who will be released in less than two months, told ST from Changi Prison Complex: “For the past 15 years, I have wasted my life being in and out of jail. I don’t want my son to follow in my footsteps, and so I must try to change.

“I have seen some inmates who have spent their youth to old age in jail, and their kids also end up in jail.”

He said the programme has also helped his son to feel safer and more comfortable interacting with him. 

Roy wrote a story for his son about cherishing one’s siblings – as he realised that his parents and three sisters were always there to support him and his former wife after he got into trouble.

“I feel very bad and guilty that I have neglected my responsibilities as a father,” he said. “I want to be a father my son can look up to as a friend and father. I don’t want him to be ashamed of me.”

President Halimah Yacob will launch a book of stories written by these fathers for their children on June 4. The book is titled Love Beyond The Walls: Stories From My Father.